So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
