I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
