And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
