How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
