Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
