he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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