He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
