Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
