I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
