Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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