Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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