That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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