Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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