genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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