I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
