Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
