I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
