Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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