oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
