Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
