She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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