Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
