This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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