they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
