I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
