did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
