I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
