Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
