When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Randomize
