I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Randomize
