Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(636): View more from Missouri

Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.

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(619): View more from California

I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case

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(972): View more from Texas

The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions

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(781): View more from Massachusetts

you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat

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(214): View more from Texas

Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.

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(651): View more from Minnesota

We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players

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(732): View more from New Jersey

I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.

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(765): View more from Indiana

He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore

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