Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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