he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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