My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Randomize
