Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
