So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
