My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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