also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
