are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
