You made me cry and you don't even care
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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