dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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