do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
