I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
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