I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize