Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Of course I have a pirate flag
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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