I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
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He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
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pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
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