The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
