those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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