I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
