I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Randomize
