why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
