the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.