if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water