Don't you send me to vm
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that