someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
