I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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