I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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