why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
