I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
