okay pat passed out under dana's car
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
