Just cropdusted the office
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize