Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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