on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
