Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize