There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
