Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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