Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
